I am technologically overwhelmed

Today i learnt what the world is really running on - Adobe InDesign, PhotoShop, Illustrator, WritersSoftware and millions more packages and programs designed to keep the market and knowledge economy afloat. I was living in a bubble. My marketability is in serious dire straits. my life will probably be in journalism, writing, editing, photo-journalism etc and so i need to know all the latest design packages. And if everything is increasingly online, then i need to learn fast!
Hopefully, the added advantage is that i can run a little freelance gig from my little office and computer. Better get a Mac!

Oh yes, please stay!

I drove past another "for sale" sign this morning. There were very wintery clouds which only added more to the grief I felt. And then I go to the trusty Facebook and see how most of my friends are in London. I suppose nostalgia always brings some kind of sadness - everyone is growing up and moving on. What is happening? Funny, i have just got back from abroad and thanked my lucky stars that I was coming home to greater opportunity. And I believe there is. I really do - it is incredibly hard to publish a story, let alone a book review in New York - the competition is soul-destroying. And i would miss that 'something' back in South Africa. It is as Andre Brink said, that 'something' deep in his bones. He doesn't fall into the sentimental and cliched thing with big skies and African sunsets.

I don't blame people for leaving - who wants to live in fear? It destroys every stitch of you. And yet, i don't feel as 'needed' in New York or London, even though their cosmopolitan and cultural pull is significant.

And trust me - there are things to still keep me sane: The Wits Writing centre is constantly holding literary events. People are publishing books and talking about ways to make writing as a lifestyle work. There are real ways to feel that you can contribute to education, literacy, culture etc.

Who knows what will change for me? Maybe things will get worse, but I must hope without being too naive.

New York is my muse

I was lazy and uninspired in Jozi. I felt there was nothing pushing me to be creative and write, although I am passionate about the cultural and social interactions of the city. But through watching and photographing and reading, I have so much to say about my own city. I have ideas lifted from the stuff I have encountered here. Stories can be re-contextualised and recreatedin my own setting. Stuff i have seen here has made methink about home and the potential to explore and discover parts of the city of Jo'burg.

I feel energised and have thought about my dreamsalot: Do a masters in Applied English Language, possibly get a teaching qualification - develop ideas aboutEnglish Education and Literacy.perhaps re-locate for a while (it would have to be where the literary culture is vibrant, and preferably be a multi-ultural city (london, Dublin (less so), new York, paris (Alliance Francais here we come!)And Jozi is not far off depending where you hang out (Braamfontein, Town, Newtown). And yes,pursue a passion in literary reporting and developments. I suppose I could also supplement an income too! I want to learn Zulu and library science ( so i couldknow what the hell is going on with Rural library developments and reading projects) and perhapsthrowin a photgraphy course along the way. And my lovely friend, veronique Tadjo, managed to get a Fulbright for the purposes of research- an idea and an avenue and somethingfor me towork towards. I would have to think of a good research topic and see how it translates into real change. Literacy issues from pre-school to tertiary education to teacher training and lack therof (where haveall the teachers gone?:Aids, better opportunities?- somethingto include for a holisitc understanding) are a problem.
oh- there is a cool project called keleketla! running in JOubert Park - something for further inspiration.

Blogs are terribly narcissitic and stream of consciousness!
Forgive me, but this is whatthe digital revolution has brought about - everyonehas a voice! Hail freedom of expression and democracy!

NeW York Times

New York cannot but instill reflection.

So my life so far:
New York is not as vast as i thought, and I didn't get this sense of smallness or anonymity. I love it here. It is the literary,artistic and thought capital of the world (although this is a sweeping and hyperbolic statement). But there is so much going on, that I simply feel overwhlemed for choice. Every journalist would die and go to heaven - Caroline,Christopheer'sroom-mate works for the NY times and has interviewed fascinating types that wear polka dot braces and tortoise shell spectacles and have never been out of the city. Theyare fulfilled.

There are hundreds of exhibitions, rare films screenings, Shakespeare productions in Central PArk, The Children's ORchestra, and Deli's. In fact,the coffee is the Best I have EVER tasted, andcheap too. Books and music are cheap, and yet food is very expensive (but large!). In Jo'burg, I feel that there are many people wantingto make it big in finance. But even though Manhattan is hugely commercial, as many people are aspiring writers, film-makers and journos. There is no mainstream, and no sub-sets either. It seems ervyone is so different. I want to go out and buy polka dot braces and wear red lipstick!

Ofcourse, i am trained to deconstruct the scial climate and this is what i have observed( I am a "watcher")- Hispanicand ASian women are maids and nannies to white kids. They walk them in central park. I havetaken some photos. Blackpeople live in the kak areas like Harlem (and it is really kak- I got lost there on my way to Columbia).Thereare a lotof immigrants ( I saw an Ethiopian community) who epitomise the ANANSE figure - being creative in their quest for survival. There are no white train/bus/taxi drivers/sweepers/cleaners etc.

Every white person who lives in Manhattan has a dog. Many women are very beautiful and well-dressed and have small kids. People are rude, but some are lovely. Most people walk around with a tall latte,although are pretentiously health and eco wise.Vegans deluxe.

Thereare so many different people here and the city is ALIVE and diverse. This should be the pattern worldwide because although there are interesting social dynamics, there are still people shoved together of all sorts.

At the universities, activism is prolific - all the fashionable social causes - Darfur, black presidency, Palestine, Africa, Xenophobia, racism, women's rights (they call themselves the Feminazis!).

What's in a being?

What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason! how infinite in faculty! in form, in moving, how express and admirable! in action how like an angel! in apprehension how like a god! the beauty of the world! the paragon of animals! And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust? man delights not me; no, nor woman neither, though, by your smiling, you seem to say so.
Hamlet, Act II, scene ii

We are dust - and what is its quintessence? I will ask eternally...
And yet, Hamlet reveals a certain pathos in this quote - we will merely return to nothing, perhaps scatterings. But this need not be meaningless

America vs South Africa

I am off to America in just a few days - excitement and trepidation fill me. But what i am hoping to write about is the difference in the literary culture in NYC and Boston vs SOuth Africa. What I mean by this and what I hope to ask is why we don't have the scope or market for journals like the New Yorker or the Paris Review, where new and established writers are given leverage. It is something that bothers me - we have Empire and Molotov cocktail (although these have more political content and narrative journalism than short fiction and poetry) - but these publications are falling apart at the scenes due to financial constraints. They are indeed brave and controversial, and much needed. Sometimes though, I would want something lighter and whimsical (although still stimulating and well-crafted) to read.

I shall trudge the libraries and the second hand book stores and see how many people enjoy poetry recitings and who read on the subway.

Bethella Maltabella.

What studies in Literature do to your 'other' book reading

I am studying African Literature at Wits University. I do admit that the choice of books is crap. I do not like militant literature declaring revolutions as a way forward. Of course, I am sensitive to the fact that these novels arose out of a need for social justice, and perhaps mobilisation. There is sometimes no other way to express the wasteland of the soul and country that is oppressed and subjected. "Protest Literature." That is what we refer to in SA (too often). Perhaps this type of literature could have been slightly more nuanced and perceptive. Are 'revolutionaries', comrades just to their families. What were the dynamics? What power struggles existed in these intimate relationships - what oppression existed here? There is a space for these aspects of the human experience to be explored. I am a classic liberal arts student, and so I am a perfect fence-sitter, and can never provide a solid opinion (ok, maybe sometimes). And thus - there is also a strong need for un-nuanced, deliberate facts that bear an ugly sordid truth. Can the holocaust expose the weaknesses of the jews too? Wouldn't it have detracted from action? Could there have been fiction at the time? I know that historical accounts were needed, and not some higher art. There can be no way. Sometimes, ironically, words cannot suffice at all! They can only reach towards the truth - even if in a historical record. Fiction plays the role of reaching towards the ineffable. It expresses the emotions of the characters. Nevertheless something, although it resonates, is always missing. Afterall - only one person - the novelist - is rendering how THEY would have felt. But, Toni Morrison for instance, although renderig her feelings through her characters, still leaves the space open for further ambiguities and silent spaces and gaps for the reader to fill in.